…and one reason why I will.
This morning, it dawned on me in the early golden lavender light on this September day that I have banished my voice. I haven’t been writing.
Not sure what it is about the morning routine that allows my brain to actually THINK a bit more clearly, but it is clarifying. And I am using this forum as a confessional — here are the reasons why I think I haven’t been writing lately:
10. Intimidation: I became suddenly, consciously aware of my creative vulnerability. My fig leaf is exposed. I sought out others to read my blog, give me insight and critiques, and I got it. Over 4,300 visitors have been to m blog since its inception. That is not as many as others, but more than some. The blogs I read, that I follow, are the apples on the tree, the knowledgeable and the truthful.
9. Jealousy: Springing forth from intimidation, comes jealousy. The internal snake, on its belly, envious of the walking upright freedom of exploration, takes her frustration out on others’ talents and creativity.
8. Sloth: Sometimes I’m just plain lazy, a four-letter words I despise.
7. Regrouping: Do I just need to scrape out my brain for awhile, and start over, mentally fresh? Perhaps.
6. Need fresh canvas: The experiences and anecdotes have become stale.
5. Fresh horses: Kind of feel rode hard and put up wet. Been riding the Cliche Ranch ponies for too long.
4. Genre Fatigue: Perhaps water-logged with bloated blog. Perhaps I should just try writing haikus every day, gently using freshly ground black ink from octopuses’ tears on the wings of dying moths.
1. Lack of skill: This relates back to intimidation. I am questioning the strength of my voice, and it feels weakened. The immunities have failed, and there is no vaccine to booster health.
The main reason why I must continue to write: It will save my life.