Am I angry?
But I think I’m at the life stage where it’s not so much “anger” as it is “resentment.” This may look like anger, and it can smell like anger, but anger is basically fear wearing a mask. Resentment is more like the sword of (in)justice ringing unsheathed–righteous indignation’s big brother.
: a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury
What makes me resentful? Well, a lot of things: disrespect, ignorance, greed, the twins, Miss Communication and Miss Information (the two ugly step-sisters of Miss Guided). I wish I always acted the hero, always did what was right and just for the greater good, but alas, I do not. Resentment is the foundation of every decent villain worth his salt (and vinegar). The hero doesn’t do things because they are resentful–they do things and act courageously because it’s difficult, well-intended, and helps others besides themselves. The villain is just pissed off.
Recently I took offense at something that was created by Miss Guided, Miss Communicated, and Miss Informed. I didn’t take the high road –not even close. There’s still the “smell of anger” on my muddy mental shoes. Got down in the muck, and am covered in it, head to toe.
And now that I’m thinking about it, I really should get over myself. How about that? I’m not going to apologize for my opinion. I think I give out apologies too quickly, when I should allow myself to have an opinion for once, and not bend and be flexible. A fixed mind set is, well, rooted deeply. But sometimes my “bending tree” has slapped me in the face with a branch. But I will get over myself, and try to be a bit more full of grace.
But before I try on some humility–I might be right.
I’d love to know how others “get over themselves.” I’m not very good at this one.